The Three Pillars of Safe Desensitizing
When it comes to desensitizing, riders often focus on the object—the tarp, the flag, the plastic bag—while overlooking the real foundation that makes the process successful. The truth is, your horse doesn’t just need to “get used to things.” They need to learn that you are their safe place, that you can be trusted to guide them through anything.
The difference between a horse that’s desensitized with connection and one that’s just been “sacked out” until they shut down is night and day. One produces a soft, willing partner. The other produces a horse that looks calm on the outside but is still boiling with tension on the inside.
So how do you build true confidence in your horse without flooding them with fear? It comes down to mastering three simple—but powerful—tools: position, direction, and energy. These three pillars form the backbone of safe, effective desensitizing that not only keeps you safe but also builds trust and connection with your horse.
Why Old-School Desensitizing Doesn’t Work
Many riders were taught that the goal of desensitizing is to keep the pressure on until the horse “quits fighting.” That usually means waving the flag or rope or tarp until the horse finally freezes.
At first glance, it might look like success—after all, the horse stopped moving. But what’s really happening is much different:
The horse has gone into survival mode and “checked out.”
The horse isn’t relaxed—they’re braced inside.
The horse may look calm, but the tension will resurface later, often in dangerous ways.
That method doesn’t build trust. It teaches your horse that you’ll overwhelm them until they have no choice but to give in. Over time, this creates a horse that is either resentful, fearful, or both.
There’s a better way—one that prioritizes safety, attentiveness, and softness.
The First Pillar: Position
The first key to safe desensitizing is position. Where you stand in relation to your horse makes all the difference—for both your safety and your horse’s learning.
When desensitizing at the standstill, the safest position is:
Rope hand up high — so you can manage the slack and stay connected.
At an angle to the horse’s shoulder — not directly in front or too close to the hindquarters.
Able to float with your horse — so if they spook, you can move with them rather than being run over.
Why is this so important? Because safety trumps all else. If your horse spooks, you don’t want to be in their flight path. Standing at the shoulder with good rope management allows you to influence them while keeping yourself out of harm’s way.
Think of your position as your safety bubble. Protect it every time you work with your horse.
Action step:
Next time you pick up a flag, tarp, or rope to desensitize, pause before you begin. Check your body position. Are you standing where you can stay safe if your horse jumps? Are your hands ready to guide them without pulling? Build this habit until positioning yourself safely becomes second nature.
The Second Pillar: Direction
The second pillar is direction. Desensitizing isn’t just about moving an object around your horse—it’s about where and how that energy is directed.
If you’re careless with your direction, your horse may feel like pressure is coming from everywhere at once, which can be overwhelming. Instead, direct your energy with intention:
Use a rhythmic motion—consistent, not erratic.
Keep the energy level steady—not too intense, not too soft.
Aim the pressure toward a specific part of the horse’s body.
Your goal is not to surprise or shock your horse. It’s to show them that energy, pressure, and movement can exist around them without being a threat.
Action step:
When you desensitize, think about the path of your energy. If you’re flagging, is the motion smooth and rhythmic? If you’re walking with your horse, are you directing your energy toward their shoulder, hip, or ribcage with purpose? Start treating your direction as a conversation with your horse, not a blast of noise.
The Third Pillar: Energy
The third pillar—energy—is where many riders either do too much or too little.
Energy is the pressure you apply and, more importantly, the timing of when you release it. This is what tells your horse, “Yes, that was the right decision.”
Here’s what correct energy use looks like:
Apply just enough pressure to make your horse aware.
The moment your horse softens—even a small try—release the pressure.
If your horse is overwhelmed, back off the energy before they hit panic mode.
The release is the horse’s reward. It’s what communicates, “You’re safe, you made the right choice, you can relax.” Without the release, desensitizing becomes punishment instead of partnership.
Action step:
Pay close attention to your timing. The instant your horse exhales, softens, or shows even a flicker of relaxation, lower your energy. Reward the try. Over time, your horse will begin seeking that calm response faster because they know you’re listening.
Avoiding Overwhelm: Reading Your Horse’s Threshold
One of the biggest mistakes riders make during desensitizing is pushing their horse too far, too fast. You’ve probably heard the advice: “Don’t stop until your horse settles.”
While the idea is to wait for relaxation, sometimes the pressure is simply too much. If your horse is trembling, eyes wide, nostrils flared—you’re past the threshold.
Every horse has a line between “uncomfortable but learning” and “terrified and shutting down.” Your job is to find that line and never cross it.
How to recognize the threshold:
A little brace or tension = okay, workable.
Signs of panic (bolting, rearing, explosive reactions) = too far.
Adjusting your energy to keep your horse just under that threshold builds their confidence without breaking their trust.
Desensitizing in Motion
While standstill work is important, you won’t always face scary situations while standing still. That’s why desensitizing in motion is critical.
On the trail, at a show, or even at home, most spooks happen when your horse is moving. Practicing desensitizing while walking, trotting, or driving prepares your horse for real-world scenarios.
For example:
Desensitize from the cart with open bridles so your horse learns to handle sights and sounds from all angles.
Practice sending your horse through obstacles like cowboy curtains (also called car washes).
Use groundwork to keep them focused on you while new objects enter their environment.
The more varied your practice, the more adaptable your horse becomes.
Connection: The Real Goal of Desensitizing
At its core, desensitizing isn’t about objects or drills. It’s about connection.
When your horse realizes you are attentive to their effort, reward their softness, and keep them safe, something shifts. Instead of seeing the tarp or the flag as a threat, they look to you for leadership.
That’s when desensitizing becomes more than just “getting used to things.” It becomes a trust-building exercise.
Your horse isn’t learning that the world is safe. They’re learning that you are safe. And that’s a bond that lasts far beyond the arena.
Bringing It All Together
So the next time you pick up a flag or ask your horse to walk through a noisy, flapping curtain, remember:
Position keeps you safe and sets the stage.
Direction focuses the energy and prevents overwhelm.
Energy communicates release, reward, and trust.
When you combine these three pillars, desensitizing becomes less about pressure and more about partnership. You’ll build a horse that not only handles the world with confidence but also stays connected to you through it all.
That’s the kind of horse every rider dreams of—and the kind of bond you can create.
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