Three Keys to Building Trust Through Attentiveness
If you’ve spent any time around horses, you’ve probably heard people say, “I just wish my horse would pay attention to me.”
And that’s true — we do want our horse’s attention on us. But here’s the thing most riders miss: attention goes both ways.
We can’t expect our horses to stay connected if we’re not paying attention to them.
If we’re distracted, inconsistent, or too focused on what we want, our horses start searching for leadership elsewhere — in the environment, in other horses, or in their instincts.
Being an attentive leader doesn’t mean hovering or overanalyzing every ear flick. It means learning to notice what matters, when it matters — before things go wrong. It’s about developing a kind of quiet awareness that tells your horse, “You’re safe with me. I’m paying attention.”
Let’s look at three things your horse wishes you’d notice — and how each one builds a deeper level of trust and connection.
1. Notice Their Progress — Even the Subtle Steps Forward
Progress isn’t always flashy.
It doesn’t always look like a clean canter departure or a perfect side pass.
Sometimes, progress is the moment your horse lowers their head a little sooner than yesterday… or the moment they choose to stay with you instead of spooking at the wind.
But it’s easy to miss those small steps when you’re working with your horse day after day.
Just like a parent doesn’t notice their child growing taller, daily familiarity can blind us to how far our horses have really come.
That’s why intentional reflection is so important.
At the end of each session, take notes. Write down:
What exercise you worked on
How long it took for your horse to relax
Any moments of softness, trust, or resistance
Maybe last week it took your horse 10 minutes to relax during flag desensitization, but this week it only took five. That’s progress.
Or maybe your horse could only back two fence posts before losing balance — and now they can go four. That’s progress too.
You can even measure visually. Mark distances with cones or fence posts. Record how far they can send at the canter before breaking gait. These simple, concrete markers give you proof of progress you might not otherwise see.
When you record what’s working, it reinforces your awareness and keeps you encouraged.
It also helps you stay patient — because you’ll start to see how small, consistent moments add up to transformation over time.
2. Notice Their Connection — In the Moment
Connection isn’t something you build once and then check off a list.
It’s something you cultivate every single time you’re with your horse.
Many riders say, “Oh, my horse loves me! We’re connected.”
But what they really mean is, “My horse likes being around me.”
That’s great — but connection in the saddle (or on the lead rope) is about being tuned in to each other in the moment.
Ask yourself:
Where is my horse’s focus right now?
Are their ears on me — or on the trailer across the lot?
Is their weight balanced toward me, or leaning toward the direction they’d rather go?
Where your horse’s eyes, ears, and weight are — that’s where their attention is.
If you notice your horse is mentally elsewhere, don’t get frustrated. Just bring them back with a gentle pattern interrupt — a few steps of backing, a change of direction, or a simple groundwork task that re-centers their focus on you.
These little check-ins are crucial.
They’re how you maintain connection in unpredictable environments — like a busy trailhead, a new arena, or a clinic full of energy.
The more you practice tuning into your horse’s mental state, the more you’ll start to feel their attention shift before you even see it. You’ll notice when their muscles tighten, when their breath changes, or when their balance leans toward escape instead of engagement.
That’s what it means to be attentive: not reacting after the fact, but sensing before it happens.
And just like human friendships, if you ever feel your connection slipping — check in. Don’t assume the bond is gone. Simply reestablish communication, listen, and give your horse the clarity and consistency they need to trust you again.
3. Notice Their Relaxation — The Language of Trust
Relaxation is your horse’s way of saying, “I’m okay. I trust you.”
But not every horse shows relaxation in the same way.
One horse might drop their head and sigh deeply. Another might soften their eyes or cock a hind leg. A third might simply shift their weight and breathe easier.
Your job as a leader is to learn your horse’s language — to recognize their personal signs of relaxation and tension.
Here are some common indicators to watch for:
Soft eyes instead of wide, worried ones
Ears gently flicking toward you, not locked forward in defense
Loose jaw — licking, chewing, or softly moving their lips
Lowered head and neck that stays low, not just briefly dips
Softened rib cage and slow, rhythmic breathing
It’s not just about seeing one sign, though.
True relaxation usually shows up as a combination of two, three, or even four of these signals.
And don’t just look for whether it happens — notice how fast it happens.
If it took 15 seconds last week for your horse to lower their head after pressure, but only seven this week, that’s measurable improvement.
Tracking the speed and duration of relaxation is a powerful way to gauge your horse’s confidence. The faster they return to calm, the safer and more connected your partnership becomes.
Horses are remarkably perceptive. They can tell when we’re paying attention to them — when we see their smallest efforts and honor their needs instead of overlooking them. That awareness on our part builds trust on theirs.
When your horse knows you’re noticing the right things, they relax faster, respond better, and begin to look to you as their safe place.
Grace for the Moments You Miss It
No one gets this right every time.
We all have days when we’re distracted, impatient, or misread our horse’s signals.
The beautiful thing about horses — and about God — is that both are forgiving.
Amy shared a story about working with her mare, Sally, on sending. One direction went great, but the other fell apart. Sally kept getting sticky, turning back early, and Amy grew frustrated.
Then she realized the problem wasn’t her horse — it was her. She’d been taking a small step backward without noticing, inadvertently inviting Sally to turn back.
The moment she saw it, she felt awful. Tears fell, apologies were whispered into her mare’s neck. But Sally? She was already fine. Horses don’t hold grudges. They live in the moment and give us another chance — every time.
That’s what grace looks like in horsemanship: recognizing when you’ve missed it, taking responsibility, and trying again with love and clarity.
You don’t need perfection to earn your horse’s trust. You just need consistency, softness, and a willingness to learn.
Becoming an Attentive Leader
Being attentive to your horse means slowing down enough to see what they’re already saying.
They’re telling you when they’re confused, when they’re relaxed, when they’re ready, and when they’re not.
They’re telling you where they’re placing their trust — or their fear.
And when you choose to truly pay attention — not just to their obedience, but to their progress, their connection, and their relaxation — everything changes.
Your horse feels seen.
You feel confident.
And together, you start to move with unity — the kind of partnership that turns riding from something you do into something you share.
Because when you keep your eyes always on the Lord — steady, calm, and attentive — you learn to lead your horse the same way: unshaken, aware, and full of grace.
Action Steps for Attentive Horsemanship
Journal every session.
Write down one thing that improved — even if it’s small. Over time, you’ll see your growth clearly.Check the connection before you ride.
Is your horse mentally with you? Do a few moments of groundwork until they are.Count relaxation signs.
Look for at least three. Over weeks, track how quickly they appear and how long they last.Lead with love — always.
When frustration hits, pause. Breathe. Remember your horse’s heart before their performance.
You Don’t Have to Guess What Your Horse Is Thinking
You don’t have to live in reaction mode — waiting for your horse to blow up before you pay attention.
There’s a better way.
You can learn the simple, proven process to build confidence, connection, and calm — starting today.
🎥 Watch the free training here: https://steadyhorse.com
