Why Fear-Based Training Fails
Many riders know the uneasy feeling of a horse that’s tense, pushy, or unpredictable. Maybe you’ve been dragged across the arena when your horse pulled against the line. Maybe you’ve stood by a trailer, sweating with frustration as your horse planted their feet or bolted sideways. Or maybe you’ve tried lunging for “energy release” only to end up with a horse who runs in endless, mindless circles—no calmer, no more connected, and no safer.
The truth is, fear-based approaches don’t work long-term. Horses that are pushed, chased, or forced simply learn to survive the moment. They don’t relax, they don’t connect, and they don’t truly respect boundaries. What they learn instead is how to brace, resist, or check out.
That’s why we need something better—an exercise that creates relaxation, responsiveness, and boundaries without fear. That exercise is sending.
Why Sending Is Different
At first glance, sending might look similar to lunging. After all, you’re asking your horse to move in a circle around you. But the difference is profound.
Lunging often focuses on draining energy: make the horse run until it’s tired enough to listen. Sending focuses on creating connection: help the horse think, soften, and tune in to you while in motion.
Here’s why that matters:
Horses learn best when they feel safe. Sending builds safety by allowing them to move their feet while connecting to you.
Riding happens in motion. If we only practice trust and responsiveness while standing still, we miss the moments that matter most.
Boundaries protect both horse and rider. Sending teaches a horse to move out, respect your space, and respond without fear.
Sending is not about running a horse into exhaustion. It’s about building a partnership that gets better with every step.
The Three-Step Sending Process
One of the biggest reasons sending creates relaxation and responsiveness is because it’s broken into clear, methodical steps. Each step gives your horse time to think instead of react.
Back Up
Why: Teaches your horse to get on their hind end, respect your space, and wait for your leadership.
Watch for: A soft, willing backup—not sticky feet or resistance.
Move the Front End Over (Turn on the Haunches)
Why: Establishes boundaries by teaching your horse to move away from you, not into you.
Watch for: Shoulders moving smoothly while staying light on the line.
Drive Forward from the Hindquarters
Why: Encourages forward movement with relaxation and direction, instead of rushing or barging past you.
Watch for: A horse who steps out willingly, soft in body and mind.
Between each step, pause. Take a breath. Count to three or five. This pause prevents anticipation, keeps things methodical, and lets your horse process what you’re asking.
Building Relaxation Through Sending
So how do you know if sending is actually helping your horse relax? Look for these signs while they move:
Soft blinks instead of hard stares
A nose tipping slightly inward toward you
A tail carried quietly, not swishing in protest
A fluid, rhythmic gait instead of a rushed or choppy one
Voluntary slow-downs (without you asking)
When you see these, you know your horse is letting down and starting to connect. That’s when sending becomes more than an exercise—it becomes a conversation.
Responsiveness Without Tension
Responsiveness isn’t about snapping to attention out of fear—it’s about a horse that willingly adjusts to your cues. Sending teaches this by combining clarity and consistency.
Here’s how:
Consistent Cues: Show the direction with your rope hand, give one cluck, then add stick pressure if needed. Don’t nag.
Transitions: Instead of endless circles, focus on upward and downward transitions. Ask for walk → trot, trot → walk, trot → canter, and back again.
Breath Cues: Teach downward transitions by exhaling deeply. Over time, your horse learns to respond to your breathing—a subtle, fear-free cue.
The goal isn’t to keep your horse going at all costs. The goal is to build clarity so that every ask produces a thoughtful response.
Boundaries That Keep You Safe
One of the most practical gifts of sending is the way it reinforces safe boundaries. Many accidents happen when horses rush handlers, ignore personal space, or anticipate movement. Sending prevents this by teaching your horse to:
Back up when asked (instead of barging forward)
Wait for the cue to go forward (instead of leaving on their own)
Move shoulders and hips away from pressure (instead of leaning into you)
Respect the line length (instead of pulling or dragging you)
If your horse has ever knocked you off balance, pulled against you, or ignored your cues, sending is the corrective exercise that restores safety—without fear or intimidation.
Common Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them)
Even well-meaning riders can unintentionally create more confusion instead of connection. Here are the most common sending mistakes and how to fix them:
Moving too quickly through the steps
→ Solution: Slow down. Breathe. Don’t advance until the backup and shoulder yield are soft.Standing too far in front of the horse
→ Solution: Stay behind the driveline, driving from the hindquarters instead of blocking forward movement.Walking in a big circle yourself
→ Solution: Keep your own circle small—three feet wide. Let the horse do the work.Inconsistent cues
→ Solution: Always start with rope, then cluck, then stick. Same order, every time.Drifting backward while sending
→ Solution: Keep your feet moving forward. Backward steps pull your horse into you instead of out around you.
Correcting these details makes sending safer, clearer, and far more effective.
Sending for Real-Life Challenges
Sending is not just an arena exercise. It directly applies to the challenges riders face daily:
Trailer Loading: Instead of forcing a horse in, send them until they’re soft and connected—then let the trailer become the easy resting spot.
Obstacles on the Trail: Use sending to approach with relaxation and responsiveness. Don’t make the obstacle the focus; make connection the focus.
Horses That Pull or Bolt: Use repetitive “send and draw in” cycles until they anticipate softness instead of pulling away.
Hot or Nervous Horses: Send until you see relaxation signs, then release. The more uptight they are, the more important the connection step becomes.
Every one of these challenges becomes simpler when the foundation of sending is solid.
Action Steps for Your Next Session
If you want to teach relaxation, responsiveness, and boundaries without fear, here’s how to start today:
Prepare Your Space and Tools
A safe area (arena or round pen if possible)
A long enough line (so your horse can move without pulling against you)
A steady stick or lunge whip for directional pressure
Warm Up with Connection in Mind
Check how your horse is feeling today—soft, cranky, energetic?
Adjust expectations based on their starting place.
Work Through the Three Steps
Back up → Move shoulders → Drive forward
Pause between each, allowing time for thought.
Watch for Relaxation Signs
Blinks, lowered head, soft cadence, tail quiet.
Focus on Transitions
Upward: Ask clearly and consistently.
Downward: Use your breath.
End on Connection, Not Compliance
Don’t rush to the obstacle, trailer, or saddle.
Wait until you feel your horse soften before progressing.
The Partnership You’re Looking For
At its core, sending isn’t about mechanics—it’s about partnership. When done thoughtfully, it teaches your horse to:
Trust your leadership without fear
Respond willingly without tension
Respect boundaries that keep you safe
Relax into your presence, even in motion
That’s what every rider is really after: a horse who feels safe, connected, and confident—because they know their rider is a consistent, trustworthy leader.
Final Thought
If you remember nothing else, remember this: Never go further than you are connected. Whether it’s a trailer, an obstacle, or just walking into the arena—connection first, progress second. That’s how you create a safe, soft, and lasting partnership.
You don’t have to live with fear in the saddle. Learn the simple, proven process to build confidence and stay safe with your horse—starting today.
